THIS DAY





Pictures of us taken on the beach


THIS DAY

This day we walked along the beach pretending to be what we use to be

Young, wild and care free

When you held my hand as if you were holding on to dear  life

The dreams we had of being husband and wife

The Love we shared, we thought could never grow anymore

With  our souls as one, shielded from the world and its war

When the stars in the sky were the only witness to our secret rondevue

our lust consumed our inner being and this feelings of bliss felt forever new

Are we still those young lovers dancing in the moonlight?

Married 6 years, 2 little ones, those dreams came true but not overnight

Life is hard and we did not expect it to be this difficult

We now live in confined reality to nurture without hurt or guilt

But our love has grown to the extent that out of its glory  two beautiful souls were born

Our souls multiplied by two and our love has torn

Torn into many pieces of love which sustains our little family

This journey has left scars which tells a tale of love and grief but we go on Happily

And as this day we walked along the beach pretending to be what we use to be

We pretend no more for our hearts has placed us exactly where we ought to be

  

JUDGE ME IF YOU PLEASE




Yes perhaps what I think and feel is different to you

Perhaps I feel fantasy can be joined with reality too

I don’t slander you for whatever you choose to do, say and more importantly feel

I do not judge nor convict you, your life belongs to you and you know it’s real

The words I write is not to be judge or to be mocked

If you do not wish to know all you do is allow your mind to be blocked

My words are like a silent voice making itself heard

I do not hold back,  happiness, joy, sadness, I’ve let go the things I feared

So you are welcome to embrace my words or let them go

I don’t mind because you will stay a friend never a foe

I think sometimes we grow up and forget that life can be an assortment of dreams

I believe that there is beauty in everything, just believe, because it’s never as bad as it seems

So I do not feel the slightest regret for a passion newly found

I cannot erase what was already put down or retract any feeling unbound

my one concern, do not read my words and formulate the untrue

in life it is impossible for EVERYONE to accept what you do or who you are, can’t you see?

We are far from what we once were but not yet what we are going to be

 



MY LIFE IN PICTURES



Just a little about myself

I’m 28 years old, I work full time and study Law part time, I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and have married my soul mate

I have to admit it’s hard studying and there are so many times I want to give up, I hardly have time for anything and twice a year I go into panic mode because of exams

I always seem to make it through though, I guess I always think of the bigger picture and don’t take into account any negativity.

I’ve started this blog as a release, I think  my soul might be a traveling gypsy when I’m asleep. I wake up with all these crazy thoughts and emotions, I cannot explain, hence my blog.

I sometimes feel an explosions of happiness and then sometimes just a drag. I’m a hopeless romantic and look at life with a dreamy sense of imagination.

I’m not a conventional mother and wife, I don’t think I know who I am yet but that’s ok because I get to learn each day who I want to be.

I consider myself and introvert but most say that’s impossible and they might be right but I blame it on my soul and mind disagreeing with each other.

I love learning about new and different people, so please feel free to join my blog.

Xxxx Z

Dear Brave Mama



To the Brave Mamma and dear Soul

My heart sinks in, overwhelmed by sadness

Switching on the news is like attending another’s funeral

The sun’s not yet up, darkness everywhere

 I sit and listen in despair

I hear of a little soul, barely 4 years on earth but returned to heaven

In a tragedy caused with intention, how can a human be so cruel I wonder

A tear falls down my cheek, rage inside my heart like thunder

The brave mama a victim but talks about forgiveness and thanks for knowing her son

Even if only for few years, a gift which brought a family to unite as one

I am the keeper of an almost 4 year old little soul

I grieve as if it’s my own little one who has perished in my very hands

I pray that the perpetrator feels the FEELING of a mother losing a child

That pain is greater than death, even death as a punishment is mild

I wish you dear mamma, peace, understanding and strength to carry on

For in this battle of good and evil he has won,

For your little one is in a greater place, in heaven smiling down on you

He’s with the angels dancing amongst the clouds patiently waiting for you

In memory of Taegrin Morris

http://www.afp.com/de/news/2645260/





I WRITE

I write for you to find me, find the inner parts of my life you cannot see

I write for no matter where in the world you are I’m there where you need me to be

I write so that deep down you can relate and no longer feel alone &  afraid

I write because I know if I don’t, it will be like a candle losing its flame in the night parade

I write to you from winter to summer & autumn to spring

I write to you through the tears you cry to the songs you’ll sing

I write because deep down inside, I need to validate my uncontrollable emotions

I write because one day looking back,  like reading a book , asking, were these really my notions

I write because I want my legacy to read into the hearts of their mama

I write so that when I’m no longer amongst the earth, I will leave a piece of my heart to my soul mate

I write for when autumn comes , I will fall to the ground like an autumn leave’s fate

I write for when its spring, the leaves are reborn and tell a tale of what once was

I write for you to read to me when I’m looking down upon you from the stars

UNDONE



Undone ,

The cold seeps in and the ground pricks with reality

I try and think but clouds cover my sanity

Why did I, what was my mind unoccupied with to mislead lead me this way

My light within has gone , my lips stitched from anything I want to say

I cannot breath I’m smothering beneath my own conscious

Inner being battling against each other

At war with the heart, while the actions lie not unconscious

It has been done, it has been felt, I has left a tainted scar like no other

Someone whispers, “don’t beat yourself up, this world is unkind

I scream from within “the World might be unkind but we need not be its heir”

We need not play a role in the transgressions of life’s blind

We are us, what we do matters, we will never act without a care

What makes us human, is to feel wrongs and regret

And to regret is to feel the wrong we have done

Your choice whether it right or wrong is a choice we live with and cannot forget

Choose wisely & wholeheartedly as what has been done can never be undone



WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE FREE



WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE FREE

Open field, yellow with wheat,

Skies are grey without deceit

The cold icy air against my pale face

The wind between my hair makes my heart race

The dark skies cast shadows upon the ground

I await in still for heavy rains to pour down

The sound of  swirling air makes me dance

Nothing, nowhere, no one but me

This is exactly what my body feels when its free

Every second, minute, hour, contented with nothing but the earths rebirth

The soft velvet feel of the air wrapping around me

Makes my heart pound of calmness and self-worth

This is exactly what my heart feels when it’s free

Of all the seasons of this earth, winter is my soul’s birth place

I collide in spirit with rain, lighting and thunder

I confide it brings mystery & romance which causes my soul to wonder

Then the rain comes with depth to wash away that which we cannot see

This is exactly what the soul feels when its free

P.S please feel free to join my blog for more of my scribbles of my soul, I would love to  know that there are people who relate

Xxx Z.



MY DREAM

MY DREAM

I see you standing beneath the tree, the skies are dark

It’s cold and the rain washes away any care I had before I saw you

You know I’m there, you feel my soul, my heart’s spark

I shiver, I grow anxious, I cannot contain my thoughts of you

The closer I get my heart beats hard, it feels as if this is something brand new

I know it’s you, just you, no one else but you

The thoughts start rushing back, all the feelings of before, before when we were much more

Before when you were the person before now, the person you were but not the person you are now

Even though now I love you more than I did before, we’ve grown so much, too much for the heart to disallow

You look up at me with those eyes, those ever optimistic eyes

Like a little child, the innocence of us I must confide

It seems like a never ending dream, but I cannot reach you, we do not collide

I see you fading away, the rain has stopped and suddenly the skies are clear

I walk faster and faster, I’m afraid to look up it might just be my biggest fear

You were once in the distance so close that I could actually grasp your very being

But you are where you are now, not where you use to be, you are but a dream to me

SOMETIMES I RUN OUT OF WORDS TO SAY

SOMETIMES I RUN OUT OF WORDS TO SAY

Sometimes I run out of words to say, I stand there hollow

Embarrassed and uncomfortable in my own  skin

It’s because I feel you are more than I am unconsciously with sorrow

Although I love what I am, who I am, what I will become tomorrow

It might have started when growing up subconsciously I was made to feel

Aware of who I am, aware of who I am supposed to be, even If not real

The misconception of who I should be and respect

Being groomed in a way of constantly having to be perfect

You see me more than I am, I try and be who you see

Maybe between all I am or am supposed to be

The words struggle to pierce through the two of me

For the crowd around me awakens a feel of Disconcert

Not for dislike or purposely wanting to elude

Not for being inadequate or not being able to revert

but because the mind has given me a name, I am an “Introvert”

WELCOME - TO MY FIRST POST



In this day in this time we need a place where we can share thoughts & dreams

Life is too harsh and one’s beautiful Mind & heart can be easily taunted

People have become unkind and the roads become longer it seems

But if we brave and stay true to our soul, we would no longer be haunted

When words escape the mouth it can either be unkind or inspirational

when actions are done it can leave a scar or and impression

I believe that deep down inside everyone really cares even the unconventional

People call me naïve as I believe in truth even if it’s a confession, I believe is sensational

I might write as a release of what I cannot say in everyday life

I might write for dreams I cannot explain as I forget

I might write to inspire what lies beneath

But for now I write because without it I cannot breathe

Beneath the words is truth that seeps from the letters

They say don’t make public keep a journal or diary

They always say what they feel you should believe, not what really matters

I say, say what you feel deep inside, today, forever without expiry

P.S Never be afraid to express what lies deep beneath the soul